Glaswegian Time Lords

Following the announcement that Peter Capaldi is to play the 12th (depending how John Hurt fits into the chronology) incarnation of The Doctor, the Internet’s current running joke is to construct a spurious piece of dialogue inferring that everyone’s favourite Time Lord has now become Malcolm Tucker. If you’re unsure what this means, Malcolm Tucker was the central character in Armando Iannucci’s The Thick Of It, a four-series BBC comedy drama satirising the scheming banality of UK politics. An example of his typical speech patterns can be viewed below.

And so, my attempt at Malcolm-Tucker-is-The-Doctor:
“You! Cyber-twat or whatevur the fuck yer name is. If you and yer army of silver dildos dinnae git oot ma face, Ah’m gonnae ram a Dalek arm plunger so far up yer arse, you’ll have to shite out more rubber than a condom dispenser before you can even walk again!”

I may update this later with further attempts.


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